Tough Answer to an Easy Question

So, I've been getting the question a lot lately. You know there's a series of life questions. It starts in the dating phase. "You have plans to get married?" Then comes the "Are y'all going to have babies anytime soon?" Then before you can even leave the hospital with your first baby, or set of babies, everyone wants to know when the next one is coming.

More kids? Seems like an easy yes or no question, right? Hardest question. Of. My. Life. Don't get excited family and friends, my answer is 99% NO. No more. But that tiny 1% makes this sooooo complicated. We are preventing such thing from occurring but we also haven't done anything "permanent" to prevent it from ever happening.

I love babies. I love feeding and changing and holding and snuggling and the smell, oh the newborn smell. I miss my litte bitty babes. The further we get into toddlerhood the more I miss the baby stage. Although I didn't love being pregnant I will never forget feeling the babies move inside of me. A true sign that miracles do happen. I would love to experience that again. I also love the excitement of meeting a new life for the first time. Seeing God's creation planned especially for your little family is just life's biggest gift and there is no other feeling like it in the world.

Who wouldn't want to do that over and over??!! Clearly, I have a logical side. Babies are time consuming, energy sucking, sleep depriving, money depleting tiny humans who cry, poop and eat... a lot. Three kids in college in about 20 years... ummmmm, that just made me nauseous.

To add a whole new level of complicated to this, we can't just decide "hey, let's have a baby" and voila, out pops a baby in 9 months. The twins were two years, lots of doctors, money, medicine and tears in the making. Because of my issues sustaining a pregnancy both how we got pregnant and how I was treated while I was pregnant were not "natural" however there is no way of knowing which one did the trick allowing us to be blessed with our babies. So we would most likely have to follow the exact course of action we had success with before. Therefore a high risk of multiples. Another set of twins????? Four kids!!! And even a chance of triplets or more. God bless you ladies with 4 or more kids but I just don't think I could do it.

Then let's not even talk about the guilt I would feel. Newborns take a lot of time therefore attention away from my M&M. They have already spent their lives sharing Mommy with each other but to add a third. I wouldn't help but feel bad!

Believe me, I realize at the end of the day if we are supposed to have more children it will happen. And now I am typically quick to tell people we are content and blessed with the two sweet babes we already have. But the question is really so much more complicated than a simple yes or no. It does make me a little sad to think that this phase of life is over. I looked forward to having babies since I was a child to be honest. And the two for one pregnancy was pretty awesome but it also made this phase go much too quickly!

Sometimes being an adult and making life decisions can be very difficult. But seeing the blessings of such hard decisions makes it all worth it!!